by Roger Thomas

This content is part of a series.

The End Times Survival Manual (3 of 5)
Series: End Times Survival Manual
Roger Thomas
Matthew 25:1-13

Introduction: Authors Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht have turned a rather dull how-to-book into virtual gold mine. Their original book The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook was on the non-fiction bestseller lists for months. It has sold over million copies, sparked television shows, clothing lines, and a board game. Since the first version came out, the authors have created a growing number of spin offs such as The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook for work, for travel, and even for dating. Who knows? They will probably come out with The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook for Church. We could use one for VBS!

The books are part tongue-in-cheek satire and part real world advice from acknowledged experts. Each chapter addresses a different "worst case scenario." For example, do you need to know how to escape from quicksand, cross a piranha-infested river, land a plane in case your pilot blacks out, or jump from a building and land in a dumpster? The book has a whole chapter on how to perform an emergency tracheotomy on one of your friends. All you need is a razor blade or very sharp knife and a ballpoint pen with the ink filler removed. I've been thinking about practicing that one. Anyone want to be my friend?

Some of the advice is quite predictable. For example, the book advises that if you have to deal with a charging bull, the number one rule is "do not antagonize the bull." I guess that means don't make ugly faces or call it insulting names. But sometimes the advice is quite demanding. For example, the chapter on "How to Foil a UFO Abduction" has these rules. Number 1: Don't panic. The alien may sense your fear and act rashly. Number 2: Control your thoughts. Do not think of anything violent or upsetting--the alien may have the ability to read your mind. Number 3: Resist verbally. Firmly tell the alien to leave you alo ...

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