by Fred Lowery

Bumps Are What We Climb On
Fred Lowery

Most of us it would have to be Amazing Grace to have a halo at all. Amen. By the way I saw Pat patting both feet. Baptist just pat one foot at a time. Raise one hand, you know how dignified we are. Just kidding. Just a thought. I fly a lot. I am one of those frequently fearful flyers, especially in small planes. Leigh and I were flying to Alaska and Leigh and I were going to Alaska. We walked up to the counter and the guy said, How much do you weigh? I knew then we were in for an experience. When they shift you around the plane before they can take off that sort of thing. I always sit in the back of the plane because you never pick up a newspaper where a plane backed into a mountain. But what a slow crowd, where do ya'll come from? But now I have changed, I now sit by the black box. The only thing that survives is that black box so I want to sit whereever it is I want to sit on top of that thing. But you know it is amazing what they say on airplanes, the things the flight attendant say. If you are a flight attendant my apologies. I am going to say it anyway but my apologizes. They say, "we can not land the airplane until your tray is upright and in its locked position. What does that have to do with landing an airplane? How many times have you ever picked up a newspaper and read where a plane fell 30,000 feet and 120 people were killed because a tray was not up in its locked position. Never. But here is the one I love the best. And do it on every flight. You have been there. They go in this spill in the unlikely event that we should lose cabin pressure take this oxygen mask, pull it - it will come down and you put it over your face and then breathe normally. Excuse me. I am going to suck all the oxygen I can get. I am going to suck it dry. But here is what I hear almost every flight this time of year. This is going to be a bumpy ride. I got some news for you this morning. Life is ...

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