by Ron Clarkson

From Doubt to Certainty
Doubting Thomas
Ron Clarkson
Easter - March 31, 1991

"I was just being honest. Can you blacklist a guy for being honest? For saying what he really thinks, or asking questions that he thinks are legitimate? I guess you can, because they have done that to me my whole life. Maybe you have even pigeonholed me. I bet your name hasn't been turned into a proverb. "Don't be a doubting Thomas. Oh, your just a doubting Thomas. People think my first name is "doubting".

My name is Thomas, or Didymus is my Aramaic name. You can call me Thomas, or you can call me Didymus, but you don't have to call me "Doubting Thomas." Since I was a child I've been criticized just for asking questions.. When my parents would tell my twin brother and I to do something that I didn't think made any sense at all, I would ask them "why? That doesn't make sense to me." My brother would just roll his eyes and say, "You schmuck, quit asking so many questions and just do it." My Dad would say, "Your lever going to amount to anything if all you do is ask questions." But that didn't make sense to me. I would simply ask them to explain the logic behind their request, I really don't see why that's such and unreasonable request from an 8 year old.

But there was one person who thought I would amount to something, one man who didn't think I was so unreasonable. That was the Master. He had asked me and eleven others to follow him, to learn from him, to be committed- to him and his purpose. So I joined him and the other eleven. I was certain about the Master, but I had my doubts about the other eleven. Then again, they weren't real certain of me.

You should have heard the names they were calling me! That pie in the sky dreamer Nathaniel was calling me a Pessimist, but I considered myself to be a realist. That romantic, John, called melancholy, but I would say reflective is more accurate. Peter even called me stubborn, that's the pot calling the kettle black. I'm not stubbo ...

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