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"COPING WITH LIFE"
Quote: "Worriers of the World, Unite!"
WORRIERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!
Fellow worriers of the world, there is a sinster plot being hatched
to deprive us of our occupation and preoccupation. A person by the name
of Jesus is telling people: "Do not worry about your livelihood, what you
are to eat or drink or use for clothing. Stop worrying. Enough, then, of
worrying about tomorrow" (Today's gospel: Matthew 6:24-34). To counter-
act this conspiracy I say, "Worriers of the world, unite!"
Work Together on Worrying
It is time to work together on worrying in order to improve and
perfect this ancient art. For too long, worrying has been such a
disorganized business. Now is the time to establish Worry Clubs, Worry
Schools, and Worry Workshops. We must explore such topics as
"Fundamentals of Worry," "Advanced Worry," "The History of Worry,"
and "Great Worriers of the World."
Worry Rooms and Worry Hours
To meet the needs of our clients, we will want to build Worry
Rooms for people to come together and worry with others. We will need
to design a line of Worry Clothes, plan Worry Menus for Worry Meals,
and even create cosmetics to accent the Worried Look. We must replace
Happy Hours with Worry Hours for people who want to stop off on their
way home from work and do some concentrated worrying about what
will go wrong tomorrow. In fact, we should begin to lobby for a shorter
work week so that we can have more time to worry. (We all know, of
course, that hard work is an enemy of worry.)
A Program for Non-Worriers
Above all, we must plan a deprogramming procedure for those few
naive persons who have taken seriously the unrealistic advice of this
Jesus person, who has dared to downgrade the fine art of worrying. If he
had worried a little about what people thought of his preaching, he would
have saved himself a lot of trouble. So we worriers can see what happens
to those who do not worry!
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