Marriage Notes by Fred Lowery



CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED?(Ladies Home Journal, 2/1/94

The most common trouble spots in relationships occur in the areas of :

He says, She says,
We must open the lines of communication - make time to talk and make time to listen to each other.

Healthy marriage requires two levels of communication:
1.Details of daily life: Who will pay bills? Carpool with kids?

2.A deeper level where couples share feelings, hopes, joys and fears

It is the deeper level kind of interaction that keeps passion and a relationship alive.

Unfortunately many get married not ready for marriage. They are selfish and immature and ignorant of themselves and of each other and of the differing experiences that shape their personalities. Most do not know how to communicate.

A marriage can be saved by applying thought instead of emotion to the problems. They must give up mutual criticism. And through open communication realize the origin of their combative attitudes. It is possible to change a pattern of destructive criticism into a constructive pattern of praise and approval.

"He criticizes everything I do" and "I am a prisoner on trial for everything I do" are signs of a significant communication problem.

The Silent Partner (Ryan Vollmer)
He never says what is on his mind and you yearn for the intimacy that always seems out of reach.

In the beginning the man will talk more to win the women over; then once she has accepted him, conversation tapers off. Women are the exact opposite. They talk more once they become comfortable with a man.

Reasons Men Say
1.I never have time.
2.She is too busy with the kids
3.She doesn't understand my point of view.
4.I will only get shot down so why talk.

Reasons Women Give
1.He is the silent type.
2.He talks to everyone but me.
3.He won't let me in on his thoughts.

From very early on, boys are ...

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