April 18, 2003
Our liturgical dancers Thursday night at the Tenebrae service began by stating that every one of us carries a bit of Judas and a bit of the Christ in us. The dancers also helped me understand how I am and how we are all complicit in crucifying Jesus both then and now
At my monthly clergy colleague group on Thursday, one clergy person entertained and enlightened us as she shared with great humor and honesty how she struggles between two poles: 1. Of being seen by others as the competent, happy, well adjusted person that she is versus 2. Of being discovered by others as to the loathsome loser she thinks herself to be in her dark moments. We laughed and laughed. Our colleague had shared a great truth with us: that we all struggle between being seen as a child of Light or children of God versus being discovered as the imposter or the loser that we sometimes think ourselves to be.
Child of God or imposter? These are questions of identity and connection intersecting in the vertical and horizontal wooden beams of the cross.
These questions came into sharp focus for me Thursday just before the service when I received word that a 21 year old son of former parishioners in NC had committed suicide. I had walked with him and his parents through some very dark and difficult times when I was an assistant priest several years ago.
>> We all carry a bit of Judas and a bit of the Christ in us.
>> We are all complicit in crucifying Jesus every day.
I am still in terrible pain from all this. I spoke with his parents at length today. We cried buckets of tears. The son's pain that led him to take his life was only greater than that of his parents, friends and family he left behind.
He struggled with his identity as is the task of every teenager and every adult. He struggled with the same question my clergy friend shared: Child of God or imposter?
Like so many struggles his was one of great courage and fear. ...
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