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The management regrets that it has come to their attention that workers dying on the job are failing to fall down. This practice must stop, as it becomes impossible to distinguish between death and the natural movement of the staff. Any employee found dead in an upright position will be dropped from the payroll. - Anon One researcher has estimated that 50-80% of working Americans are in a job that does not match their abilities and is therefore unfulfilling. That may well be the force behind the statistic that the average worker will change careers two or three times before retirement. - Cynthia Spence in Homemade, May, 1989. How common is employee dishonesty? According to one recent survey: Falsifying time sheets was admitted by 5.8% of workers. Stealing merchandise was admitted by 6.6%. Among people working in retail stores, 57% said they abused their employee-discount privileges. - Dr. John Clark, in Homemade, Nov., 1985.