1. You wake up face down on the pavement.
2. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
3. You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
4. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
5. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
6. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
7. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
8. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
9. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
10. You wake up and your braces are locked together.
11. You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
12. Your income tax check bounces.
13. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
14. Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.