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The Ideal Preacher

Darrell W. Robinson, Total Church Life, (Broadman & Holman Publishers, Nashville; 1997), p. 64

After hundreds of fruitless years, a model minister has been found to suit everyone. It is guaranteed that he will please all the people in any church. He preaches only 20 minutes, but thoroughly expounds the Word. He condemns sin, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from 8:00 to 10:00 p.m., doing every type work, from preaching in the pulpit to janitor work. He makes $200 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books regularly, has a nice family, drives a nice car, and gives $50 a week to the church. He stands ready to give to any good cause, also. His family is completely model in deportment, dress, and attitude. He is 26 years old and has been preaching for 30 years. He is tall, short, thin, heavyset, handsome, has one brown eye and one blue eye, hair parted in the middle, left side dark and straight, right side blond and wavy. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spend all his time with the older people. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls a day on church members, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is never out of the office.